These last few days I've been pretty down in my soul (I thought that sounded better than down in the dumps; and seriously what does that even mean?). Anyway back to my depression, I know a lot of it is connected to the anniversaries of the loss of loved ones. Due to this depression I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, along with some serious pity parties, which led to my contemplating how our lives follow set patterns or cycles. Some of my psychology classes touched on this topic. Earlier I was reading about someone who was left with scars from a surgery and also emotional scars from a loss and I understood that our lives follow the same patterns year after year at that same time of the year we hit that scar and suffer through those injuries all over again.
For those of you old enough to remember records, do you remember what happens when you have a scratch on one of the songs? Every time it comes to that particular song, what do you hear? A screechy noise. I think our emotional life cycles follow the patterns that are programmed into our psyche. If you lost your mom on January 11 like me, then you hit a scratch or a scar. If you had a painful knee surgery on December 9, again like me, then you hit that painful memory. But at the same time, if your first grand child, Haley Abigail, was born on March 18, then every year you have the blessing of celebrating her birth on that day.
A lot of this can be contributed to seasonal depression, that is if its a bad or sad memory that brings you down, but I think it works positively too. After all, don't you remember the good memories and all the positive blessings? I certainly do. I don't live in the past, however, I allow myself the luxury of enjoying the moments and especially remembering a skinny younger me ;)!