Does God still love me even when I can't manage to get to church? My granddaughter Haley asked me if I still loved Jesus. I responded, Yes I do, more than ever. Haley then asked, well, Nana, why don't you come to church with us. I tried to explain what it's like to live in pain and try to sleep like a normal person. I'm not sure if Haley understood. I know she loves me no matter what though. But I hate to feel as if I don't measure up. Am I the only person who ever worries about things like this? I haven't turned my back on God, as a matter of fact, I need him more desperately than ever before.
I have really been struggling with trying to retrain my sleep patterns. I cannot seem to sleep at night and therefore it is difficult for me to wake up and get to church. I try not to sit and dwell on my not being able to get into or retrain myself into a schedule; one where I actually sleep at night and wake up in time for church attendance. It seems as though the harder I try to fall asleep and wake up in time for church, the more difficult it is for me to get to sleep. I tried sleep aids and that did not help! 
Anyway back to topic, does God still love me? Or do I still love God? just saying that sounds blasphemous and I do NOT want to sound that way! I think maybe I just am doing some serious whining and falling into the depths of self-pity! So lets break this down into sections:

1. I do love the Lord. I've just kind of given up. I feel as though I have failed. I used to be the person who never missed church. If the doors were open, I was there. I lived the verse that said I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go unto the house of the Lord! So what happened? Oh yeah chronic pain and disability!
2. I've felt betrayed. except I don't know why - I prayed for God to move me and shut that door and He did. I guess I thought I needed something to whine about, but actually I need to move forward and let go of it.
3. I cannot get a schedule going. I cannot sleep at night and never manage to get up in time for church -makes me feel like a giant LOSER!
4. I think I need to start a consistent worship time of my own, whether it be an online service or just something here. Also need to be consistent with my quiet time.
5. Now number 4 I think we might have something there!!! I think this is where I should have begun. Personal Bible study and personal time with the Lord. If I can't make it to church I can still worship the Lord. I can watch an online sermon and set personal prayer times for myself.
6. I love music and have most all of my favorite worship music on my ipod and iTunes, so I can set up my own praise and worship time. Music speaks to me as though I have a direct line with God!

Psalm 34:1-4 says it best:
1I will extol the Lord at all times;
    his praise will always be on my lips.
² I will glory in the Lord;
    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the Lord with me;
    let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.